let's talk about love now. i think i'm going to grow up to become a spinster. haha. what a good way to start off this discussion. seriously, i think staying single is so easy and carefree. i don't mind staying single. okay, maybe not my whole life, but for now, i'm happy being where i am. unless the right person comes along.

which leaves me wondering. why is it that guys i like are guys i know won't like me back? and why do guys who like me are those i don't like? fana said it's because i'm choosy. i don't think i'm choosy; i'm just looking for the right person. i don't just grab anyone off the shelves. i don't fall that easily. crushes, yes, infatuations, yes, but love? never. sad ain't it?

i remember telling nas and kat that i'll be ready for a boyfriend at 17. but now that seventeen's come and going away so soon, i'm not so sure. i don't think being in a relationship at this age is real. i want to be spared the heartbreak. i want the person i fall in love with to be the last person i'll be with. i don't want the pain of losing.

in a way, i'm selfish. and cold. i reject too easily. i laugh it off too much. am i a bitch? tell me, am i that choosy for not wanting to love just about anyone? does not wanting to fall in love at this age just because i want to spend the rest of my life with only one person make me any less a romantic? tell me.

yesterday, mr nizar asked me what type of guys do i look for [in the midst of insulting me along with the other guys]. the question baffled me at that time. how the hell would i know? but now, i've come up with a list. i want a guy who loves me unconditionally despite my obvious shortcomings, someone who is strong enough to stand by me and protect me, someone who i'll be safe in the arms of, someone who can commit, and someone who can make me enjoy silence.

there, my list. anyone out there who satisfies everything? gawd somebody shoot me. i'm playing with fire right now. how do i avoid getting burnt?

-why am i typing this crap??-